Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Worrying: Does it attain anything??? How I got rid of Worries!!! PART 2

In part 1 of my article, I have written about how worried I used to be about every little thing in life and how I suddenly realized I was just wasting my time and energy for absolutely nothing.

It wasn't something I achieved overnight or in a month or a year. It was something I worked for everyday. But once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control of your worried mind. I would like to share the following nine steps through which I conquered worries in my life:

1.  Self Realization/ Awareness and Self-Monitoring:

The first and the foremost thing I did which helped me conquer worry was being aware of the existence of such habit in me. Many a times, when I worried about things, I knew that this was not normal and I should do something about it. So, every time I worried about something I questioned myself, is it really worth worrying? Am I just wasting my time? Will I achieve anything just because I worry about it? Or can I do something else about it? These questions I asked to myself helped me a lot to take better decisions and make good choices in life.

2. Talk about your problems with your loved ones:

The more you keep your problems/worries to yourself, the  more complex it will become. I used to be the kind of  person who hardly talked about my problems/worries to  people, I somehow felt like it would create unnecessary  troubles to others. I have a very supportive family and a  very good bunch of friends who would listen to my worries  anytime, yet I never did that. I usually spent my time alone  during difficult times, I used to be the kind of person who  cried behind the closed doors. I didn't realize how much of  a torture I was giving to myself. I used to breakdown sometimes.

Slowly, I realized that keeping my troubles to myself can only double my worries. When I started sharing my problems with my loved ones, I realized how easy things could have been and I felt lighter. I could see promising solutions to my problems and my life became much easier. Not only that, my relationship with my loved ones also blossomed. :) 

3. Live in the moment:

Living in the present can be very exciting. We don’t know what comes next, so we should enjoy every second of our life. When we live in the present, we are living where life is happening. We shouldn't be too obsessed about the future or too engrossed in the past. Its fine to plan ahead sensibly and set goals, but the important thing is living your life as it is now and not worry about what is already past or what the distant future might hold. What we have today may not be there tomorrow, the people we love today may leave, the things we like may perish, the good looks we have may fade, our bodies may not be the same healthy ones, friends may turn into strangers and bodies may turn into ashes. All we have is the present, we must make good use of it.

4. Count your blessings:

How many times do we take things we already have in life for granted? Well, I would say very often. We believe that things we have today should rightfully be ours. We don’t realize that those things are our privileges, not our rights. I love this quote, “Life doesn't owe you anything”, seriously it doesn't, we should stop blaming life when things doesn't go our way. Learn to be grateful every day. Don’t take anything for granted. Be grateful that you can think for yourself; comprehend beauty and dream of better things. Many people around the world doesn't have a roof to sleep under, a meal in a day to eat, clothes to wear. When you think about how privileged you are, you will appreciate life and will have no time for worrying over small things.

5. Accept that some things are never meant to be:

Photo Credit ~ Google
I talked about worrying about pleasing people, making them feel good and being the best one in their lives. When things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I used to be upset, I used to blame myself for everything. As time passed, I realized that you don’t have to please people who actually value and love you, they are going to be there any way and every time you need them. On contrast, some relationships, some things, some people are never going to change, no matter how much you try, you can never please them. I realized, we shouldn't worry about those things/people too much and understand that we are doing the best we can. We should learn to accept that some things are never meant to be, so instead of worrying we should just let them be. 

6. Observe and Learn:

We live in a place where there are so many people to look up to. Just because they are happy and successful doesn't mean that they don’t have problems/troubles at all in life. It’s just that they have the capability to solve their problems with grace; we should observe and learn how they handle their problems.

7. Accept uncertainty:

The inability to tolerate uncertainty plays a huge role in anxiety and worry. Chronic worriers (Like me) can’t stand doubt or unpredictability. Worrying is seen as a way to predict what the future has in store, a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn't work like that.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn't make life any more predictable. You may feel safer when you’re worrying, but it’s just an illusion. Focusing on worst case scenarios won’t keep bad things from happening. It will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. So if you want to stop worrying, start by tackling your need for certainty and immediate answers.

8. Change yourself for better:

Photo Credit ~ Google
The kind of person I was a few years ago and the kind of person I am now are two complete diverse people. I mentioned about how I used to be before in part 1 of my article. When I look back now, somehow I realize that I was filled with negativity, I worried a lot about what people had to say, I had also gone through a period of a terribly low self esteem, I was an awfully ungrateful creature. I learnt that excessive self criticism is a major source of worry. If we are always down on ourselves, we won't be able to enjoy anything. I must admit here that I wasn't like that before, I guess I changed for some years of my life (may be around Mid 2007 - 2013, I started with worrying about appearing for the Civil Service Examination and getting a job, i  pretended not to worry about it in front of my family while i suffocated within. My family never pressurized me for anything, they were complete sweethearts, they never let me feel bad instead my dad gave me monthly salary for preparing them lunch - during the time i stayed home after graduation to prepare for the Civil Service Examination, Lucky right? Yeah i know ;-)). The strange thing here is that they never knew that i was worried. I had learnt this talent of hiding my emotions perfectly and it hasn't been that long since i realized that this had already become a habit. These 6 and half long years of my life was a period of learning, may be god wanted me to experience life and learn lessons. I am glad those six years turned out like that. I am proud to state that the rest of the long and the beautiful years of my life would never see that 'me' again no mater what challenges life provide me with. :)

And getting back to the point, as mentioned earlier that self realization helps, I suddenly started feeling weird, i started realizing that the kind of person i had become was certainly not someone i would like to be and i realized that I was simply wasting a beautifully blessed life. This is when, I started doing things I love,  like helping people more, practicing kindness everyday, falling in love with music, practicing meditation/ mindfulness, self love, gratitude journaling, yoga, blogging (recently), etc. I must state that all these did a tremendous job in molding me as a better person. I am proud of the person I have become now, a truly happy and a content person who doesn't need anyone’s approval to be happy. The best thing of all is that I don’t have time for worries anymore. 

9. Every problem has it's solution:

It is very important to know that when god gives you a problem, he gives you a solution as well. When something bad happens in your life and you start worrying and panicking about it, it’s obvious that negative thoughts fill up your mind and the problems could become more complex. You should remain claim and positive always. Life is all about challenges after all and how to go about the challenge is on our hands. Things will work out well at the end and all we have to do is keep moving and believe that the BEST IS YET TO COME. ;) 

Photo Credit ~ Google